May 2013
9 posts
8 tags
Today in Seattle I chatted with my friend Simon in Sydney. As a third year medical student, Simon is currently shadowing doctors at a small town hospital. By his fifth week in obstetrics, Simon informed me that he has now started delivering babies.
As a grown man, Simon himself looks somewhat infantile - I’m not sure if it’s the baldness or the manic stare, but either way, the thought...
8 tags
This evening in Seattle I went along to my first West Coast book club. We ate guacamole, meatless meatballs, chevre and brie with water crackers, and a mixed green salad. We washed it down with silk and citrus tea.
We spoke about the book for about 10 minutes before each of us confessed that we had yet to read it. Our next meeting is June 3rd.
5 tags
Today in Seattle I met an older gentleman who went by the name of Ronelle. He grew up in Louisiana, one of 16 children: eight boys and eight girls. Ronelle himself was one of three sets of twins, all six boys: Ronelle and Lonelle, Hermit and Herbert, Claude and Clyde.
Ronelle is father to five girls. His twin is father to five boys. I didn’t catch their names.
4 tags
This evening in Chicago, returning to our hotel after demolishing half a spinach and mozzarella deep dish pizza, my friend Tessa and I walked past a homeless man begging on the Magnificant Mile. Tessa offered the man the rest of her pizza. He politely, and without hesitation, declined. He is sick to death of pizza.
7 tags
Today in Wicker Park, Chicago I met a young French bulldog named Eddie, after Edina on Absolutely Fabulous. She was patiently waiting for her owner inside American Apparel on Milwaukee Ave as he bought her a hoodie for spring. When I asked the mustachioed gentleman if I could pat Eddie, he informed me of his dog’s diet: flaxseed oil, mixed vegetables, and seeds.
Eddie is a vegan.
9 tags
Today in downtown Chicago I was offered a free makeover by a Russian woman at the Clarins Macy’s counter. She lives with her mother and her four year old son, Nikita. Her mother speaks Russian to the boy, whilst she speaks English. Lately, her son has begun to reply to his young mother’s queries over whether or not he liked something with the word “tolerable.”
She hopes...
5 tags
Today in Chicago I got my nails done by a second generation Vietnamese woman who hasn’t slept a full night through for seventeen years. Her husband snores louder than the ‘L.’
4 tags
Today in Seattle, the sun shone high and heated the city to a sweltering 80 degrees. I was in Chicago where it rained.
8 tags
Last night in Seattle my husband and I went to see Jersey Boys at the Fifth Avenue Theatre. We are trying out this thing in our first year of marriage where he accompanies me to a musical if I promise to sleep an entire night outside in the desert without a tent.
Just as Jack waited until morning before informing me that he had seen a scorpion the previous evening, crawling within close proximity...
April 2013
4 posts
9 tags
This evening on a rooftop in Capitol Hill, Seattle, I celebrated the city’s sunny acceptance that spring has sprung by sociali(z)ing around a BBQ with a fellow Australian, a Canadian, three Americans, and a boy from South Dakota.
6 tags
This morning in Seattle I awoke to realize I could not rise. I had been so athletic in my ten hours of sleep that a nerve in my neck pinched itself in surrender. I immediately called a chiropractor - the only person within stumbling distance - to take a look at me.
Now, I have nothing against chiropractors. I have simply never, in sober mind, chosen to see one. But I was desperate.
A big dude...
6 tags
Today in Seattle a young woman, who works as a freelance travel writer, contacted me to inform me that she had my greencard. I have been waiting for this card for three months, despite being informed by the men in suits that it had been sent.
It turns out a homeless man found it and, without any means to find me, gave it to this girl who in turn came out of her way to meet me at my office and...
5 tags
March 2013
10 posts
Anonymous asked: Hi Louisa, Do you feel like married life has changed you?
5 tags
Last night from Sydney I flew Hawaiian Air to Seattle via Honolulu. I sat next to three 10 month old triplets. I’m never letting my husband touch me again.
6 tags
Today in Sydney I got into a deep and earnest debate over the work(s) of Lena Dunham with Liam, a recent cultural studies PhD graduate. After sitting back patiently as I went on an inarticulate diatribe over the successful actress/writer/director/producer’s current status as the voice of her generation, Liam asked me how jealous I was.
7 tags
Today in Eastern Sydney I earned 7 extra freckles on my nose whilst bathing and baking at Bronte Beach. I also experienced my first encounter with inner thigh chafe. I really wish I didn’t spend those first 6 months in America telling myself that half and half meant skim.
7 tags
This morning in Sydney I dined on $25 poached eggs and herring caviar at Chez Dee in Potts Point. I was joined by one of my oldest and dearest friends, Julianna, a teacher who had to scoff her breakfast down quickly as she had an early morning class with underprivileged children.
7 tags
This morning in Alabama my husband started his training at the military SERE course (Survive, Evade, Resist, Escape.) He will spend the next 3 weeks dehydrated, starved, and tortured. This afternoon in Sydney I napped on the sand at Balmoral Beach next to my 64 year old father in his speedos. His snoring woke me up. Jack wins this round.
6 tags
Today in Sydney I basked in the sun at Cafe Bones with my friend Maddie and her labrador mix, Charlie. She ordered a soy iced coffee, he had a puppacino.
7 tags
Today in Sydney I watched two of my favo(u)rite people become one at a wedding ceremony in the sun on the northern beaches. The bride looked like a brunette Grace Kelly and the groom so handsome and shell-shocked.
7 tags
Last night in Seattle I went to a dinner party hosted by my new boss and his partner. It was a really great night, complete with wonderful food, cocktails and conversation. The only thing that concerned me was the presence of a scratching post in their living room.
I saw no cat.
8 tags
Today in Kent I went to the opening of a lovely gluten free bakery, which is situated inside a knitting and craft store. There was an array of creative older women who purchased flourless brownies before sitting down to knit and embroider.
It was near this sitting area that I met Brian, a middle aged fellow who had assigned himself the challenge of knitting 12 socks simultaneously. In the time I...
February 2013
7 posts
3 tags
Today in Seattle I turned 27 years old. I’m just that one step closer to being the cougar I’ve always wanted to be.
8 tags
Today in a studio in Seattle I sat before a young Ukrainian makeup artist who is looking to add new looks to her portfolio. I could smell the sweet Starbucks on her breath as she leant in close to line my upper lids. I flinched and she swore. Apparently the eyeliner she was using was waterproof and she would have to start again.
I asked her if she thought I was a very good model and she said no...
6 tags
Today in Seattle I met Squirt and Rain, the resident Pacific Northwest Octopi at the Seattle Aquarium. It seems I paid visit just a few days too soon…
On Valentines Day, the aquarium staff are placing Squirt in the same tank as Rain. They are hoping for some tangled tentacles.
Now that I am married, I am always on the look out for real romance.
5 tags
This evening in Seattle, as I was strolling to hot yoga in Capitol Hill, I walked into a pole as I was posting a picture of a french bulldog in a sweater onto Instagram.
You cannot possibly be more disappointed in the person that I have become more than I am.
6 tags
This afternoon in Seattle I sat in on my first team meeting in my new office. The company’s new Vice President of Sales regaled us stories of his mission post graduation from Brigham Young University in Utah.
Trust a Morman to be the Vice President of Sales.
This weekend in Snohomish County, Washington I spent the weekend in a cabin alongside the Skykomish River. The snow was so white and the sky was so blue and the other Australian who joined us bought along a tube of Vegemite.
Americans are so polite.
January 2013
10 posts
4 tags
Today in Seattle was my first day on the job as the Marketing Manager for a tech startup Downtown.
You know who else had a first day at a tech startup in Seattle?
This guy.
6 tags
Today in Seattle I caught up via Skype with my best mate Karla in Berlin. In the week she has lived there she has witnessed orgies in Dark Rooms, white swans on frozen canals, and the advertisements of swedish installation artists inviting those in need of shelter to sleep in their living room for 600 euros a month.
She has made friends with an ex Sydney private school boy and a German communist...
5 tags
Last night in an elevator in Seattle, my mother in law acknowledged a tall, handsome African American man sporting a suit and emerald green tie. She recognized him as one of the “famous librarians” speaking at this year’s American Library Association conference in Downtown Seattle.
Two things came to me at that moment.
1. I need to register for a library card, stat.
2. I...
6 tags
Today in Australia my countrymen are celebrating “Australia Day,” the country’s national day, commemorating the arrival of the First Fleet at Sydney Cove in 1788. For Indigenous Australians, however, today is in fact the anniversary of “Invasion Day.”
Today in Seattle my in-laws Noreen and Larry are in town.
12 tags
This evening in Downtown Seattle I downed cranberry juice, whiskey, and deviled eggs as I caught up with Doug. Everybody knows a Doug, only my Doug is more charming; visiting the rainy west coast from NYC, via Sydney and Zululand.
Accompanying Doug was David Mikula, Creative Director of Digital Kitchen. Sporting a cap - a mélange between baseball and trucker - and a bushy red beard, dark rimmed...
7 tags
This evening in Seattle love, relationships, and family were topics discussed over a dinner of fried chicken and pomegranate seeds. My friend Becca deduced that while she is in no way high maintenance, she expects the men she forms relationships with to do everything for her.
Becca is currently single but very, very pretty.
3 tags
Today in Seattle I lost my keys on the day I was probably going to get a new set made. I’m really disappointed in myself and in 2013.
6 tags
This evening in Seattle I watched the Golden Globe Awards. As I chewed on my cooked to perfection rib-eye I tried to focus my eyes directly forward as the Best Supporting Actress award was announced. If only Anne Hathaway carked it in the first 20 minutes of every film she bravely acted in.
Anonymous asked: You are really funny. Is it because you are from Australia, or because you live in Seattle? anonymous s jens
7 tags
Today in Seattle I celebrated the new year watching and listening to French prossies and slaves sing about revolution via Les Miserables. My favo(u)rite part was the bit where Russell Crowe jumps to his death and finally stops singing.
December 2012
5 posts
6 tags
This Christmas Day in Seattle I opened the presents from my stocking. I asked my husband for something small and shiny to celebrate our first holiday together as a married couple. I unwrapped a bronze locking carabiner. This will allow me to safely belay him as he partakes in his favor(u)rite new hobby, rock climbing.
I’m leaving him.
5 tags
Last night at the Paramount in Seattle I sat on the balcony and watched Louis CK perform below. Never again will I look at fountains featuring little boys peeing again. Or brown shoes. Louis isn’t a fan of brown shoes.
10 tags
Today in Seattle I got word that my photograph of racist pigeons has been published online by Yen Magazine as the “Photo of the Day.” I knew I should have downloaded Instagram earlier.
Thank you, Yen for knowing real art when you see it.
8 tags
This afternoon in Seattle the love seat that I ordered from Amazon arrived. I thought it was adult size. Clearly, I missed the child-size print. I now have nowhere to sit.
I need to stop doing my shopping online.
2 tags
Today in Seattle my green card came in the mail. I was so excited I ripped it. This is why I can’t have nice things.
November 2012
7 posts
5 tags
Today in Seattle, as I lay in bed recovering from a bout of the Seattle Freeze Flu, I attempted to watch an episode of Glee. I think my ear infection is back.
2 tags
This morning in Seattle I awoke at dawn to feed my husband scrambled eggs and spinach as he stretched his limbs for his first marathon. I met him at the finish line with an ice cream sandwich. His overall time was 3:51:13 seconds, beating Sarah Palin by 8 minutes and 23 seconds.
I deserve a medal.
3 tags
Today in Seattle I cooked my very first Thanksgiving dinner. The trick is to wait until everybody is so hungry that they will eat anything. And thank you for it.
5 tags
This morning in Seattle I am reliving the hours I spent in the company of Leonard Cohen as he performed the northwest leg of his Old Ideas World Tour, last night at the Key Arena. A man who takes his hat off each time a member of his band solos, Leonard is the most genuine, generous of performers.
At 78 years old he has sung his songs countless times. And yet. With each retelling of his...
6 tags
This evening in Seattle at the annual Art Bash, hosted by Ad Club Seattle, I met two girls who went by the names of Norah and Laura. The former is from Brooklyn, NY. The latter grew up on a beet farm.
I hope to run into them again.
