louisa may today

My name is Louisa. This is what I did today.

Today in New York,  my next-door neighbor Martha dropped in for 45 minutes to tell me she had a throat infection and couldn’t talk. 

I really need to start working from a coffee shop. 

This past week, from my living room in Harlem, I have noticed that one can see directly into the non-curtained bedroom of a girl who refuses to wear clothing as she practices ballet before dinner and fellates her boyfriend at noon.

Her downward dogs are cheaper than cable.

Tonight in Manhattan I got my dress stuck in an escalator and I was at a cinema so people had popcorn and soda and could nourish themselves while entertained.

Today in New York, my next door neighbo(u)r, 93 year old Martha, and her grand-daughter, 6-going-on-25-year-old Destiny stopped by the apartment no less than three times. They are in love with my labrador, who they call Louisa. I don’t have the heart to remind them, for the third time, that my dog does not share my name.

Meanwhile, Louisa is enjoying all the belly rubs.

Today in New York City, I was on a conference call with the IT guy in the office in Seattle. My dog was sitting beside me, panting. 

I’m now not only perceived as completely technologically incompetent, but also a pervert.

This afternoon in Morningside Park, I watched as a young father and his  eight boys beat the heat by ferociously squirting each other with water pistols. I inquired, incredulous, how the man wasn’t keeled over from exhaustion.

He explained that he had left his two daughters at home. 

Today in New York City, as I officially moved into my new apartment in Harlem, I met Martha from next-door. At 93 years of age, Martha has been living in the building for 58 years. She introduced me to her granddaughter named Destiny, who informed me that when she grows up she is going to be a doctor. 

I’ve never known a Destiny so certain of her future. 

Today at the American Psychological Association in Washington DC, I met Robert Oppenheimer’s cousin, twice removed. I told him of my desire to adopt a pet bunny and name him Rabbit Hoppenheimer and he told me to leave him alone.

This morning in Chicago, I met a man who saved my husband’s life on a weekly basis whilst they were both deployed in Afghanistan. I wanted to offer to pay for his brunch, but I’m on a budget and chorizo is expensive.

Ditto for yesterday, but today was spent in Iowa.